Why didn't I do this?

I wish I had done this with my son. I know the circumstances are different but now I feel guilty.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Good news!

I haven't been on for a while; things have been busy.
I went into early labor late June 13th. They gave me steroids for the baby's lungs and stadol, which stopped the labor, but the next morning I was back after a serious reaction. I spent the whole day 10:00-21:00 in the Hospital because of the severity of the reaction I could not eat, sleep, or get up. It was horrible. Around 17:00 they saw a big improvement but kept me for a few hours of observation.
Surprise, I went back into labor.
After sending me over to L&D, feeding me, and giving me liquids (all I had had all day was a few IVs) the labor again stopped. They gave me my second steroid shot and sent me home.
That has been pretty much all the drama. Since then I've had some Braxton Hicks but no real labor. So happy days! I have passed the Magic date of when we lost Matthew and I'm coming so close when I delivered last time! I think I'll go full term!
Hooray!

Dealing with Doctors

Every time I go to the doctors I have to fill out new paperwork because of the pregnancy. I hate the question "how many children do you have?" then next to it "ages?" I have to put 2 and then ages 0 and 4 months. It makes me tear up every time. I always get odd looks when I fill out the papers. I hate it. It makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed. I never want to be ashamed of my son.

Inevitably I will have to take my daughter into the Dr's office with me, which is fine at the OBGYN because they all know not to mention my son and are very caring and careful around me, which I really appreciate. But at my PCP (private care practitioner) office, whom I had to see 2 weeks ago, they don't know. I had to fill out all new papers, and then everyone wanted to see my little girl who was trying to sleep. Then one of the ladies at the desk glanced at my papers and asked about my other baby. I couldn't say anything. I just froze. I finally got it out that they were twins, and all the ladies said congratulations. Thank goodness nobody asked me where he was.

The next week was a repeat of the same thing except I was at the cardiologist. When we finally got back into a room my Dr was very careful not to mention my son. I think he actually took the time to read my paperwork. But he had to ask me questions about the PG. His assistant almost got thrown out of the room (by me) literally for the comment "well at least you have one." I'm like "gee thanks. It makes me feel so much better that I can only hold one of my babies. My little girl is missing an older brother whom she spent months with growing together. But yeah I have one baby which makes it so much better. Thanks lady."

Then there is the pediatrician's office who has, so far, not assigned us a Dr. Every time we go in we have a 50/50 chance of having to re-explain what happened to our other child. Why can't they just read the damn papers? I know the hospital faxed everything over. It's just not fair. I don't need to relive everything that happened 5 months ago each time I see a Dr. Why can't they read the paperwork that is sent to them? It would make my visits a lot easier on me, my husband, and my daughter.