Empire State Building Lights Purple for Prematurity Awareness

Photo: Empire State Building lights the NYC skyline purple on Prematurity Awareness Day, Nov. 17, 2010. PHOTO CREDIT: Photo by Karl Wint.



NEW YORK, NOV. 1, 2010 -- The Empire State Building will light purple on Wednesday, November 17, in recognition of the March of Dimes 8th Annual Prematurity Awareness Day. During November, Prematurity Awareness Month, March of Dimes focuses the nation’s attention on the serious crisis of premature birth (birth before 37 completed weeks of pregnancy). A special Web site – www.marchofdimes.com/fight – includes the 2010 state-by-state and national Premature Birth Report Cards, information on the importance of the last weeks of pregnancy, and ways you can help premature babies.



The March of Dimes is the leading nonprofit organization for pregnancy and baby health. With chapters nationwide and its premier event, March for Babies®, the March of Dimes works to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality. For the latest resources and information, http://www.marchofdimes.com/ or http://www.nacersano.org/. Find us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

The poet Frost

Two poems always come to me when I think of the loss of my son. One you may already know the other is much less known and has very little literature written about it. Both poems were written by Robert Frost, and though his poetry is beautiful and much of it touches me it is these two poems that stand out in my mind when I think of my Matthew.

Of course when one thinks of Frost "The Road Not Taken" is always the first to mind. Easily his most famous poem, it does represent a parting of paths that could be associated with death but this is not the poem that come to me. Neither is "Birches" which talks of climbing "toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more" (56) it speaks of purity of snow covered birches which bend and fall from the heavy winter's ice. "Good Hours" is another favorite. To someone who has lost it can be a comfort. Another is the "Mending Wall" which talks of neighbors.

No, none of these are the ones I think of when I think of Matthew. My little baby has but two poems, one speaks of loss the other the loss of innocence.

For those who have seen or read "The Outsiders" this first poem will be familiar.

Nothing Gold Can Stay


Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.




This second poem will be unfamiliar, perhaps, even to those who study literature.
Stars

How countlessly they congregate
    O'er our tumultuous snow,
Which flows in shapes as tall as trees
    When wintry winds do blow!--

As if with keenness for our fate,
    Our faltering few steps on
To white rest, and a place of rest
    Invisible at dawn,--

And yet with neither love nor hate,
    Those stars like some snow-white
Minerva's snow-white marble eyes
    Without the gift of sight.


Perhaps my little girl will be a swinger of birches. As for her brother he is a little golden star.

The radio kills me...

There are so many beautiful songs on the radio. Every now and again I will hear a song that strikes a chord with me. These songs make me start to cry and remember my baby boy that I miss so much.

It doesn't even have to be a sad song for it to happen. I've had so many times that I've pulled over just to cry, it feels like it will never get better. All I can do though is just wait for it to pass.

Matthew I love you so much. I miss you every day baby boy.

I never...

I never got to cut his hair
to tie his shoes
or change his clothes.

His little feet will never walk,
never jump,
and never climb.

But I'll remember him every day,
every month,
every year and never, never forget.

What little time we had together,
I heard his heart
beat light as a feather.

I felt his kicks against my side.
I know
he 's there, my boy, my pride.

I Never... Copyright Andrea Lewis 2010

It's hard.

It's hard to go to work, go visit friends, even play with my little girl. It doesn't get easier. At least not so far.

When someone says I'm sorry for your loss, after learning what happened, I cry. I can't help it.

I don't generally like to talk about it but I want people to know he existed. I don't want him to be forgotten.

So I open old wounds by constantly reminding people that yes, my little girl does have a brother, I have 2 wonderful children, and oneis an adorable angel boy.

Run rewitten

I'll sing this one last time for you
But then we really have to part
You've been the only thing that I've done right
In all my life

And I can barely think of you
But every single time I do
I know you're in a better place
Away from here

Rise up rise up
As if you had a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be praying for you dear.

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To have more time on Earth with you

To know I cannot see your eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Louder louder
I'll never hear you call
And I can hardly speak about this all
I miss you more and more each day

My heart, My dear,
Is hurt and I'm afraid
I can't believe you've really gone away
Leaving behind only tears

This Blog

This is a blog about my baby son. He never made it to this world but his twin sister did. I miss him and love him. I will always love my baby boy.

My son's name is Matthew.

Some of these posts were written in a different place originally. Posts that are from a different site I will be putting the original post date on.

just punch me in the face... it's easier to deal with

So during a conversation about my daughter, my son came up. The girl I was talking to seemed surprised to know I had twins. Well of course she asked about him. She thought he was still alive and I had to tell her, "no."

She asked what happened.

I said he was stillborn.

She didn't know what that meant and I had to explain that though he was born on June 23 he died on June 8.

So what does she say next?

"So you carried around a dead baby for weeks?"

Wtf? Just punch me in the face next time and keep your comments to yourself.

A Cake for My Little One

I posted earlier about how to address the birthday card for my babies first birthday. Now I have to plan a cake. I thought of doing two small cupcakes but I would feel guilty letting his sister eat his cake and I don't just want it to sit there and go to waste.

So how does everyone like this idea?



http://ww30.1800flowers.com/product.do?baseCode=17731&dataset=10313&cm_cid=d10313

I thought of maybe changing some of the flowers to blue or doing this one.

How to Address the Card

My baby girl will be one at the end of this month. I should have 2 one year olds running around but her older twin brother was stillborn. I don't know how to address the birthday card. It has a spot that says "You are Invited to: __________'s Party!" But I don't know if I should put both names or just one.

I'm afraid that if I put both no one will come and I don't want to ruin my babies' first birthday.

Help...

Don't know what to do...

I talked with hubby a few weeks ago about what we would name future babies if we have any. He said if we have another boy he wants to give him the same name as our first son. He thinks it would Honor our son to name another child after him. I think it would feel like I tried to replace him.

Am I overreacting?