I almost flipped out when Dr was searching for the HB at week 14. I pointed to where I thought little guy was and said check here. Bam there he was. But I'm freaking out because this one is due so freakin close to where the others were due and it's a boy.
I think I'd feel safer if it was a girl. It's like mother Nature is taunting me saying, "Here don't screw it up again." You can tell me, "It isn't your fault," or "you did nothin wrong." Riiight. I carried the baby. I lost the baby.
It isn't like I have something that I can point to and say, "Oh that happened." I didn't fall. I didn't get into a car wreck. No one hit me. His cord had a blood clot. That is all they could tell me. The exact words were, "we think there was a clot in his cord." Think and know are quite different in my book. So no one can really tell me what happened. No one knows.
I hope June 8th passes quickly.
Ticker
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
The Birthing Process is Scary as Hell
I was on a Preemie board thread where some of the women were talking about their deliveries. None of the stories seem to come close to what I felt. They all talk about oh it hurt but it was fine. How although their kids were preemie and in bad shape everything is rainbows and sunshine now. I must be a negative person; here is my response to the thread.
Wow, it amazes me some of you counted how many pushes.
Had twins at 30w2d. My son had gone to heaven 15 days earlier and was the first to deliver.
I was admitted to the Hospital at 29 weeks and given my second round of Mag (first was at 28w). Contractions were steady at 3min. Was on and off Mag so much during those days I felt like crap. Complete bed rest. Physical therapy for my legs, catheters, no walking to the shower, etc.
12 hours before delivery they took me off Mag. 6 hours before they started pitosin. At 1250 I delivered DS au naturale. At 1440 I delivered DD again au naturale. I was in pain, scared, hubby was too much concerned about me breaking his hand to help, and it was quite possibly the worst day of my life.
If someone that has had preemies tells you everything was fine, and that day you feel scared and confused, that is normal. I don't remember one day that whole first year that I wasn't scared to death something would happen to my girl.
Wow, it amazes me some of you counted how many pushes.
Had twins at 30w2d. My son had gone to heaven 15 days earlier and was the first to deliver.
I was admitted to the Hospital at 29 weeks and given my second round of Mag (first was at 28w). Contractions were steady at 3min. Was on and off Mag so much during those days I felt like crap. Complete bed rest. Physical therapy for my legs, catheters, no walking to the shower, etc.
12 hours before delivery they took me off Mag. 6 hours before they started pitosin. At 1250 I delivered DS au naturale. At 1440 I delivered DD again au naturale. I was in pain, scared, hubby was too much concerned about me breaking his hand to help, and it was quite possibly the worst day of my life.
If someone that has had preemies tells you everything was fine, and that day you feel scared and confused, that is normal. I don't remember one day that whole first year that I wasn't scared to death something would happen to my girl.
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