Run rewitten

I'll sing this one last time for you
But then we really have to part
You've been the only thing that I've done right
In all my life

And I can barely think of you
But every single time I do
I know you're in a better place
Away from here

Rise up rise up
As if you had a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be praying for you dear.

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To have more time on Earth with you

To know I cannot see your eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Louder louder
I'll never hear you call
And I can hardly speak about this all
I miss you more and more each day

My heart, My dear,
Is hurt and I'm afraid
I can't believe you've really gone away
Leaving behind only tears

This Blog

This is a blog about my baby son. He never made it to this world but his twin sister did. I miss him and love him. I will always love my baby boy.

My son's name is Matthew.

Some of these posts were written in a different place originally. Posts that are from a different site I will be putting the original post date on.

just punch me in the face... it's easier to deal with

So during a conversation about my daughter, my son came up. The girl I was talking to seemed surprised to know I had twins. Well of course she asked about him. She thought he was still alive and I had to tell her, "no."

She asked what happened.

I said he was stillborn.

She didn't know what that meant and I had to explain that though he was born on June 23 he died on June 8.

So what does she say next?

"So you carried around a dead baby for weeks?"

Wtf? Just punch me in the face next time and keep your comments to yourself.

A Cake for My Little One

I posted earlier about how to address the birthday card for my babies first birthday. Now I have to plan a cake. I thought of doing two small cupcakes but I would feel guilty letting his sister eat his cake and I don't just want it to sit there and go to waste.

So how does everyone like this idea?



http://ww30.1800flowers.com/product.do?baseCode=17731&dataset=10313&cm_cid=d10313

I thought of maybe changing some of the flowers to blue or doing this one.

How to Address the Card

My baby girl will be one at the end of this month. I should have 2 one year olds running around but her older twin brother was stillborn. I don't know how to address the birthday card. It has a spot that says "You are Invited to: __________'s Party!" But I don't know if I should put both names or just one.

I'm afraid that if I put both no one will come and I don't want to ruin my babies' first birthday.

Help...

Don't know what to do...

I talked with hubby a few weeks ago about what we would name future babies if we have any. He said if we have another boy he wants to give him the same name as our first son. He thinks it would Honor our son to name another child after him. I think it would feel like I tried to replace him.

Am I overreacting?

St Francis

I just keep repeting this over and again to myself. So far it's helping me with the holidays. My baby boy should be 6 months old now.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

It's easier to remember with the music.